Depression is a bitch, and I’ve suffered from it my whole life. It’s hard to explain to someone who’s never suffered from it. It’s hard to explain the difference between being depressed and being suicidal. It’s even harder to explain clinical depression (major depressive disorder) to someone who has experienced situational depression (like how you […]
What’s Rehab Like? It’s Like High School (Seriously)
I’ll never forget first time someone told me they’d been to a drug rehab. It was like talking to a leper. I was still using, and I would continue to use for another couple years. I’d never even heard of Cocaine Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous before. I had no idea what happened in rehab. I […]
Are Fanatical, Cult-Like 12-Step Groups Toxic For Recovery? Maybe
As far as what an addict/alcoholic needs to do to be successful in their recovery, there are many opinions and suggestions, and sometimes they can be so different that the newcomer doesn’t know what to do, what to believe, or who to trust. For someone who is new to 12 step meetings like AA, CA, […]
This Is Why Addicts Can’t Stop
You’ll hear a lot of reasons why addicts can’t stop doing drugs and why alcoholics can’t stop drinking, but the main reason they can’t stop is because they literally cannot stop—their brains won’t allow it. If they would, and they truly wanted to, I promise you that they could (some don’t want to stop, and […]
Is Cocaine Addictive? Yes and No
Depending on how you define addiction, there’s an argument to be made that cocaine is both addictive and not addictive at the same time. I know this sounds confusing, so let’s look at how we define addiction. Most normal people think of addiction as physical dependence: a junky can’t stop shooting heroin because, if they […]
Are You Sober If You’re on Suboxone? I Wasn’t
When I woke up in a detox in 2011, the doctor said, “We’re going to put you on Suboxone to wean you off heroin. We recommend you stay on for at least 6 months.” I laughed in his face. “You’re not sober if you’re on Suboxone man,” I said. “I used to snort that shit […]
My OxyContin Addiction Story
I was addicted to OxyContin for 7 years, but my story starts well before I ever touched a pill. I was 17 the first time I smoked chronic. It did something to me I’d never felt before. It freed me. Something in me had always been coiled, some gear wound too tight. It stopped my […]
What Addiction Is Really Like—My True-Life Recovery Story
On June 19th, 2018, I was able to tell my true-life recovery story on stage at the Moody Performance Hall thanks to an incredible opportunity from Oral Fixation and with the shrewd guidance of Nicole Stewart as my editor. The entire show, which featured many other performers in addition to myself, was based around a […]
A Poem About Addiction — Summer
Summer is a poem about addiction, a poem about the viciousness of my disease, a poem about the insanity that sits only under the surface, that has not gone away. That will never go away. Poetry about addiction is something we need in a world that wants it, and us, to not exist. Every day, […]
A Sad Short Story — We’re Not OK, Are We?
I’ve written a sad short story or two, but this is probably the saddest. We’re Not OK, Are We? is the story of a woman, a man, their diseases, and their miserable life in modern America. This story originally appeared in Borrowed Solace. You can purchase the full issue here — mine is not the […]
Drug Addiction Stories — A Beautiful Death
I’ve written several drug addiction stories — this is the first to be published. What follows is the full text of A Beautiful Death, which was originally published on The Courtship of Winds. You can find links to the original publication at the end of the story. Drug Addiction Stories by Adam Fout — A Beautiful Death “Is […]
