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Recovery Today magazine is an incredible publication that’s perfect for people like us. They recently published my experience with step 1.
Here’s a little excerpt of what I wrote.
Am I Powerless? The First Step
They say the first step takes the longest.
I’ve found that to be true.
My first step took 9 years.
I started getting high when I was 17. Between 17 and 24, I didn’t think I had a problem. I felt like it was totally normal to do drugs. Coke and heroin and anything else I could get my hands on were fine by me, and if you didn’t like it, that was fine by me too.
Of course I’m not powerless. Nevermind how unmanageable my life is. Nevermind how often I find myself in handcuffs. Nevermind how that I can’t hold a job longer than a few months. Nevermind the fact that I cycle through relationships I destroy time after time.
Forget all of this.
At 24, my apartment is raided by the Kansas Bureau of Investigation.
Yeah, I didn’t know they existed either. They definitely exist, and they’re not nice, but I am forever grateful for those men because, without them, I would probably be buried in Kansas dirt on a little hill in a town with a name no one gives a shit about.
This comes a few months after a DUI during which I destroy my car in a blackout and lose my license.
For the first time, I feel unmanageable. For the first time, the depression morphs to suicide. For the first time, I realize it’s time to get out.
I know there’s only one way out.
It’s six feet underground…