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2 Critical Things to Do When You’re Feeling Totally Alone

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When I was stuck in my addiction, one of the most common thoughts I had was, “I’m so lonely.” Being alone was something I absolutely couldn’t take. I tried as hard as I could to never be alone because I knew that, for me, it was dangerous—I would get suicidal.

Of course, for me, the drugs and the alcohol were making things far worse, but even when I got sober, I found that I felt totally alone. It was so hard to be so lonely. It was so hard to go day after day without human contact, stuck in my room getting high and drinking and watching TV. It was so hard to just live….

If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you’re not alone.

I know how you feel.

Once I got sober, there were a number of things that I used to do whenever I felt completely alone.

I’m So Lonely | Remembering That I’m Not Alone

The truth is that everyone has someone in their life. The sad reality is that plenty of people are completely miserable because the people they have around them are horrible people.

Now that’s not always the case. If you’re someone who actually isn’t alone and actually does have people around to spend time with, I urge you to reach out to them.

Remember that you’re not totally alone. Remember that there are people who want to be in your life and don’t want you to be lonely.

Now if you’re like me, you might feel isolated because of alcohol or drug use, or you might feel isolated because of mental health issues. You might feel like no one in your life understands you.

I can tell you right now that I understand you, and I can tell you that I’m dead serious when I say that you can reach out to me if you need someone to talk to.

Email me at

But if you do have people in your life who understand, you should absolutely reach out to them. Tell them that you’re struggling. Don’t be afraid. Maybe that means talking to your parents or your wife or husband or even your grown kids. Maybe that will be very hard (I know that it was for me).

But it’s worth it. If you’re lucky enough to have good people in your life, remember them and spend time with them.

If you’re not in that position and you actually are completely alone, I suggest talking to other people who are in your situation.

For example, check out emotions anonymous or co-dependents anonymous or, if you’re an addict or alcoholic, alcoholics anonymous or narcotics anonymous.

Many people who suffer from loneliness will find that they suffer from other problems too. Emotions anonymous is great if you’re suffering from mental health issues. You can meet other people who are going through the same struggles that you are.

If you’re suffering from addiction, AA and NA are great tools to meet people who are also struggling or who have managed to get sober. Nothing meant quite as much to me as the first time that someone in AA reached out to me at a meeting and told me that they were glad that I was there.

There are people out there who want to help you. I promise.

Another option—and I know this might sound a little silly, but it’s truly effective—is to turn to social media. From Facebook groups to Twitter chats and even old-school AOL chat rooms, there are lots of places where you can go online and talk to people who understand what you’re going through and are there to help.

I’m So Lonely | Pets and Exercise

Something that helped me more than I ever thought when I was so lonely that I could scream was my pets and exercise. I think exercise helped me so much because it got me out of my head and put me in a place where I was able to briefly forget about my loneliness.

In fact, when I first got sober, the gym was the only thing I had. Through my drug use and addiction, I had run a lot of people out of my life. I used to call my sponsor all the time and say, “I’m so lonely. I don’t feel like I’ll ever find friends or a girlfriend ever again.”

He was a huge help to me. He actually helped me to not feel so lonely. I used to wonder why I was so alone, but for me, I knew it was because of my actions in the past. It was going to take some time for me to meet new people, and I eventually did, but for a time, all I had was the gym.

It helped me immensely. It helped to get endorphins flowing, which helped me to feel good, and it just felt good in general to be taking care of my body. It also helped me to get out of the house, and that was a huge help with getting rid of my loneliness.

Another thing that helped a ton was getting a pet. I was deeply depressed at this time too, but when I got a cat, it helped me so much to not feel so alone. No matter what was going on in my life, my cat loved me unconditionally and was always there for me. It helped me get through the hard times until I was able to make friends again and find my way in life again.

It Doesn’t Matter Why You’re So Lonely | All That Matters Is That You Take Action

It’s hard to want to keep going when you’re feeling lonely and sad. I know what that’s like, but I can tell you that the only way I ever got out of it was to keep going.

When I did those things that I listed above, the loneliness started to fade away. I started to feel better.

But there’s a difference between feeling lonely and sad and being lonely and depressed.

If you’re feeling depressed, that’s totally different—here’s what it felt like to me when I didn’t want to exist at all.

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Adam Fout

I'm a speculative fiction and nonfiction writer. I have a B.A. in English and an M.A. in Professional and Technical Communication. I'm a graduate of the 2020 Odyssey Writing Workshop. I'm a regular contributor to Recovery Today Magazine, and I have been published in numerous literary magazines, including December, J Journal, and Flash Fiction Online, among others.

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